I have an adopted younger sister with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS), and I have some things to say about it.
In recent years, I have learned that some people do not know what FAS is or do not know the potential risks of drinking alcohol while pregnant. I have even heard some say they think it is healthy to drink every now and then, even while pregnant.
The reality is that drinking alcohol while pregnant has been proven to be more damaging to the baby than doing drugs while pregnant. When alcohol is consumed during pregnancy, it inhibits the development of the parts of the brain that control decision making, distinguishing right from wrong, and understanding socially and emotionally appropriate interactions.
Basically, alcohol causes physical, permanent brain damage to a developing baby. A few years back I even read a peer reviewed article stating that FAS is the number one known cause of mental retardation, and it is completely preventable.
I do not know if that statistic is still accurate, but I do know that I have seen firsthand the effects of FAS, because FAS has destroyed my sister and given us hurtles in our lives that we never expected we would encounter.
Ever since we learned of her diagnosis we have known the possible implications of FAS, but it wasn’t until recently that we truly began to fully understand them. Academically, she is a perfectly average girl. But she has nearly no understanding of how to interact with others appropriately, she is unable to moderate her emotions and behavior, and her concept of right and wrong is fairly limited to what elicits a positive or negative reaction from someone.
My family has gone through a lot of heartache throughout the past year and a half as my sister has tried to cope with her depression and inability to relate and attach to her life. And it feels as if there is nothing we can do but helplessly wait for what will happen next or what she will do next, because we have exhausted every possible means of support in attempts to help her.
I was inspired by her and her struggles to get a special education degree, yet even with my education I am at a complete loss for how to help her at this point. I don’t know how to help her anymore, and this has left me feeling lost, useless, and hurt. These trials have made us face the reality that a stable, loving home hasn’t and won’t fix the damage FAS has done to her. She’s brain damaged, and honestly no amount of time or love is going to fix that, because someone made the decision to drink alcohol while pregnant. I don’t view my sister as a hopeless cause, but absolutely all odds are against her. At this point, all we can do is lift this up to God and fervently pray that he shall direct our paths and give her peace.
Please know that I am not telling you this with the intent of receiving your pity or comfort for the struggle we seem to be going through. I tell you this because I want everyone who will listen to know there is no safe time to drink during pregnancy. I beg of you, please listen to this. No amount of alcohol is safe during pregnancy, ever. My sister didn’t have a choice in what happened to her, but you have the choice to educate yourself and others close to you of this completely preventable cause of disabilities in babies. Please, don’t take any chances. It isn’t worth it.
~A. Bender
